I’d sure like to blame my body. It’s letting me down. It actually feels like it’s breaking down. During the holidays I started a new med – the dreaded one that I’d been hoping to avoid – AND I failed a sleep study. Big time. (The tech who kept saying she couldn’t give me any details also kept saying things like “holy cow” and “man oh man” and “wow.” I began to wonder if I would survive the night.)
But all I have to do is look down or in a mirror or at the size tag on my clothes and I know I can’t blame my body. Rather, I owe it an apology. Even with all the warning signs, I just kept sliding along on that Egyptian river of denial, imagining, I suppose, that it would all just sort of work itself out. Actually, that’s not true. I wasn’t imagining anything. That would be the bigger problem. My denial ran deeper than that – I just ignored it all together.
Oh, I’ve played with diets and programs and countless New Years resolutions, but for the most part, I never got the vision. Well now the vision’s got me. When a loved one looks at you with swimming eyes and says, “I’m afraid you’re going to die!”. . . Well, okay. Time to wake up, smell the artificially sweetened, lowfat latte, and take charge of the only thing in this life we really have control over. While I still DO have control over it.
I didn’t want to say anything here. I wanted to just go about this (or not, to be honest) and then brag later about my accomplishments. But I heard something this morning that reminded me of the power of commitment. What you don’t know won’t hurt me. But what I don’t make a commitment to won’t help me. So here I am ‘fessing up. I’ve messed up big time, but I’m reclaiming the ranch. I’ll have a lot of repair to do because I’ve really let it get run down, but I’m up for the task.
No, I’m not. That’s the other part of the problem. My reserves are wasted. But I heard something this weekend from a pastor I’m beginning to admire. He reminded us that certain foods help us to get and keep energy, and that exercise (I just had to make two attempts at even spelling it) releases chemicals that make us feel better. Get it? he said…. You want to feel better and God has provided a way.
I’m counting on that…. On God providing a way in more ways than one.
To be continued…..